


Conference Call

by CaffieneKitty



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-28
Updated: 2013-09-28
Packaged: 2017-12-27 16:19:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/981029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaffieneKitty/pseuds/CaffieneKitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Missing/alternate scene for 4.09. Humor, I think?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conference Call

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** Not mine. Well the OC's are mine, but really, Kripke can have 'em if he wants 'em.  
>  **A/N:** All righty, this is a three-way conversation between three demons, one is Alastair, the other two are the same OC demons from "[Evil Help is Hard to Find](http://caffienekitty.livejournal.com/7772.html)". Bit of an odd structure here, it goes:  
>  "(Demon1)"/"(Demon2)"  
> "(Alastair)"  
> Clear as mud? This is just the result of some pondering about why Anna was safe hiding in the Church in 4.09 since we've seen what Meg could do (poor Pastor Jim) and also why Alastair showed up in person when he had flunkies running around.
> 
> _Originally posted on Livejournal November 15, 2008_

"Hey boss!"/"Hellooo sir!"

"Why are you both calling me? Surely one dose of aggravation is enough?"

"See, there were _two_ parents..."/"We figured why waste the blood, do a blood-phone conference call thing. Hemo-conferencing!"

"Whatever. Do you have her?"

"...uh no."/"That is, uh..."

"What? First you couldn't get at her because the humans had her locked up in a psych ward, and I had to tell you how to get around that, what now? Is she up a tallish tree?"

"Nooo..."/"She's... um."

"Spit it out, idiots."

"She's in a Church."/"Like, on Holy Ground."

" _Most_ Churches tend to be Holy Ground. You have a problem with that?"

"Um. I'm allergic."/"Me too."

"...Seriously?"

"Um, yeah."/"Both of us are."

"Why was this not on your resumes?"

"Well, uh, you never asked-"/"Kind of common at our level, we sort of thought-"

"I was looking for minions to capture a _Deacon's daughter_. One would think the implied job requirements were obvious."

"Our last boss never asked about allergies."/"Naw, he never did, did he?"

"Remind me who that was again?"

"Um. Azazel."/"*koff* Yeah. Azazel."

"Right. That was why I couldn't check your references. Or rather reference."

"Yeah. That whole death by Colt thing wasn't our fault, incidentally!"/"Oh, totally not our fault! Not at all!"

"I suspect nothing ever is your fault."

"What?"/"No sir! Unless you say so, sir!"

"Never mind. So, the speaker-to-angels-"

"Uh, technically, sir, she's a 'Listener-to-Angels'"/"Shut up!"

"...Excuse me?"

"Um. She, uh, listens. Doesn't speak to them."/"*muffled* Ix-nay of the isten-lay, oron-may!"

"Really."

"Oh yeah! She just hears 'em. It's not like she's chatting with them or, uh-"/"Oh for- I totally do _not_ know you. Like at all. Keep your epic fail away from me."

"And so you decided to correct me on my terminology while you are asking for my assistance in completing the task which I sent you to do?"

"Um. Hm. Okay... Bad timing?"/"If you shred him, sir, can I watch?"

"Yes. And yes."

"Aw, man..."/"Ooo! You are _so_ gonna get it!"

"Can we get back to the purpose of your call or do you feel like giving me more reasons to down-grade your 'useful to my purposes' status?"

"No... uh, yes... Um.... Sir."/"Er. Absolutely. I think."

"To summarize. She's hiding in a church, and you need me to come get her out."

"Um. Yeah."/"If you wouldn't mind sir?"

"Of course I mind! I acquired minions so I wouldn't have to deal with scut-work like this! I'm a very busy demon!"

"No doubt!"/"Of course, sir!"

"You two are an utter waste of sulfur."

"Um. If you say so sir."/"Oh, hey, hey! I uh, heard about something! You know that guy?"

"...I'm disembodied and you're _still_ managing to give me a headache. This does not bode well for your future."

"What are you talking about?"/"The guy! The one who, um... got out."

"Ahhh. Yes?"

"Who?"/"He's on his way here. His brother too."

" _Really._ Well, that's intriguing. With Toto fluttering along behind them no doubt. Considering the circumstances."

"Toto? What? Who are you talking about?"/"More than likely, sir."

"Hm, if you're right, the trip topside just got _much_ more entertaining."

"Hrmf. Nobody tells me anything anymore."/"So you're coming up?"

"Of course. Wouldn't miss it."

"Wait. Not... _him?_ "/"Sorry to have caused so much trouble sir."

"No problem at all. I'll be up in a few days. Keep an eye on that Church in the meantime."

" _He's_ coming here!? He salted me into a closet!"/"Will do sir! *muffled* He salted me in to that closet too. _You_ jammed your meatsuit's elbow into my meatsuit's eye."

"Ensure that you do."

"I was stressed! It was a new meatsuit! I can't be expected to keep track of all the elbows while I'm under pressure!"/"Absolutely! Signing off. *muffled* Disconnect, meatbrain!"

"Good."

"Well, you've got a meatbrain right now too, so- Oh right. Um. Bye, sir."

"I'm going to have a very long chat with you when this is done with."

"Really? That'll be nice."

"No. It won't."

"It... oh. But-"

"Just dump the blood out of the bowl, imbecile."

\- - -  
(that's all, just random crack)


End file.
